Attachment and Relationships, Part Three

Concluding a podcast series on attachment and styles of relating, Rachael and Dan discuss how they see their attachment styles playing out in the midst of friendships and relationships. What hope is there for us as we become more aware of how our earliest attachments affect how we relate to those around us?

As people of hope, discovering our styles of relating brings with it a fun, wild, and glorious potential for goodness and change.

“The closest relationships you have will be the place where your style of relating has its most significant heartache, but a most significant place for repentance, blessing, and ultimately for change.” Dr. Dan Allender

Relationships require an understanding of the other’s attachment style, however, those in long-term relationships can end up drawing one another into the other’s way of being.

In order for change to occur, we need to be able to let our hearts grieve for the harm that has been done to us, which has shaped our way of being in the world.

“It’s a good thing to be haunted by failure of love in a way that compels us to want to repent, grow, learn.” Rachael Clinton Chen

A good question to ask yourself as you’re reflecting on your style of relating is: Who is going to be able to attune to you long-term? Many of us, however, cannot offer proper attunement without other repair, which is where a good friend, pastor, or therapist can be a wonderful resource.

“When we bless not only our own style of relating but others, it opens the possibility to see how we’re meant to play with each other.” Dr. Dan Allender


If you are interested in learning more about attachment, listen to the first two episodes in the series: