The Reality of Marriage in COVID-19

As we enter a fall that is full of complexity, we’re going to be having conversations over the next few weeks on the topic of marriage. Before we dive in, however, we want to emphasize that this is a series for everyone—whether you are single, about to be married, just married, or have been married for a long time. Today, you’ll hear Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, talk about the elements of disruption they have been experiencing in their own lives and marriage, what spending more time together exposes in their relationship, and what they continue to learn about one another during this season of deep change and growth.


“Being together is causing for many couples, more conflict, struggle, loss, and in that we’re seeing, at least even for ourselves, the severity of our day exposes the fragility we’ve been able to ignore by the other means by which we’ve lived.” Dr. Dan Allender

“You’ve always taught, left the home and gone to the airport, and the rhythm of being busy and having a life that was apart from yours that was something as familiar as the sun rising. So the fact that we are together, none of us are leaving, it is a tremendous change for both of us.” Becky Allender

“When we think about the realities people are facing – more time together doesn’t mean more intimacy. It could, but for many, it actually exposes a degree of the absence of real life and passion. So much of life is lived outside of the home that to be together for very extended periods of time I hope for you and for all that it is actually awakening, bringing more data before us.” Dr. Dan Allender

“If I’ve learned anything in these five months…it’s my tone of voice is so important, so life-giving. I didn’t grow up with kindness of voice and it’s still an area that I fail often, just my tone of voice, so I need to learn how to ask more kindly. More forgiveness, more grace.” Becky Allender

“There are more failures, and the failures seem smaller, but on the other hand the weight of that small failure feels so significant.” Dr. Dan Allender

“It’s that sense of trying to stay balanced when we know there is so much sorrow circling around so many areas of our lives.” Becky Allender

“This is a season I believe evil is so opportunistic to create small divisions, small hopelessness, that is going to grow to take you to deep despair or divide between you and those who matter to you.” Dr. Dan Allender

“I’ve really loved watching each tree get their leaves at different times, now beginning to fall and change, it is so stabilizing to be in the rhythm of our universe…it grounds me and it grounds me to be with you, walk with you, talk with you, realize what a gift it is to have you in my life as we walk through this season unlike any other.” Becky Allender