Relationships between Married Couples and Single People

by on September 25, 2020

three people sitting at the shore of a lake

As the month of conversations about marriage draws to a close, Dan and Becky invite Beau Denton and Ashley Wright on the podcast to talk about how single people and married people can relate better together. Beau was a former Content Creator for The Seattle School and played an integral role in synthesizing podcast episodes, and Ashley serves as the Director of Marketing and Communications for The Seattle School, overseeing the production and planning of The Allender Center podcast. In a couple-oriented world, single people can often feel excluded, or feel they do not have a lot to say about marriage as they are not in a marriage relationship. Beau and Ashley provide deep wisdom and perspective for how single people can, in truth and trust, engage married couples, and invite those who are married to do the same for single people.

Quotes

“What have you learned about marriage as you have seen friends, family, engage this? What have you seen and learned that by not being “in” a married situation are important for married people to grapple with?” Dr. Dan Allender

“Certain dynamics in relationships can tend to get pretty insular to where you stop noticing things about each other because it is such a part of the fabric of your day. When I’m able to be a part of a friendship with a married couple and when I’m able to see things that they don’t because they’ve been immersed in it for so long is in some instances a gift to be able to talk about what I see and what I’m noticing.” Beau Denton

“… it propelled us in ways that without someone looking in from the outside and noticing and speaking oh my goodness we would have been so much less than we are now because of her courage.” Becky Allender

“As I’ve grown I’ve learned, and as I’ve interacted with friends, that marriage is complex, it’s very difficult. I’ve grown in my ability to be compassionate about the difficulties that couples experience. As far as my engagement with this kind of calling out or confronting, in a loving way, I’d add curiosity, a fresh pair of eyes to infuse some curiosity into the connection.” Ashley Wright

“There’s no couple that cannot profit from having the eyes of a wise and kind observer, but what I mean by that is someone’s been a participant who’s brought honor, goodness, delight, and to not have the benefit of the perspective you bring, that’s foolish! It’s foolish on the part of any married couple not to gainsay insight and wisdom.” Dr. Dan Allender

“This can be a two-way street, where I can speak into what I see in a marriage, but also they can speak into what they’re seeing in my life…that’s something we miss.” Beau Denton

“It is a vital, life-giving presence to have the eyes of anyone, but particularly a single person, who is not in the same insular binds in a relationship that there are in most marriages but as well to have the freedom to have it be two ways, so there is that engagement of we bring something to you as a single person and you bring something to us as a single person and without that we all can’t grow in the way we were meant to.” Dr. Dan Allender

“So much of my experience growing up, especially in the Christian tradition, has elevated marriage to a position that is above any other and I think that when that is the case there is this sense of insecurity, of I’m not worthy or I can’t enter into these places, so I think when we value the diversity within the body we are able to take those risks and that is a huge bonus to all of us.” Ashley Wright

Resources